PEAHEAD’S AMERICA
TO HELP YOU LEARN
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You may notice that there are no boundaries between states. This is because in my brain sometimes two states occupy the same area, making drawing boundaries very confusing. You may also notice that Deleware and Rhode Island are missing. Of course, you probably wouldn’t notice, because they’re not really states at all. They’re cities.
Porno Versus Jesus... There are two things you will see a quite a few of while driving cross country. Signs reminding you to take Jesus into your heart. And signs reminding you to take the next exit and buy porno. God vs. the Devil. In the interest of science we kept track of the number of adult XXX store signs and the number of Jesus signs along the highway between Detroit and LA. Final tally: Porno 18 Jesus 15 It was back and forth the whole time, but in the end, Missouri's overwhelming number of porno signs did Jesus in and he never recovered. Conclusion: The devil understands the importance of advertising. Good work devil. It should be noted that we counted giant crosses as points for Jesus and Strip Club signs as points for the devil. Giant crosses will be discussed in greater detail at a later date. Hooters signs did not count for either. It should also be noted that there were about 1000 signs for the Cherokee Trading Post in Oklahoma, so it's the overall winner. Real final tally: Indians 1000 Porno 18 Jesus 15 More knowledge: The XXX capital of the world is in Missouri. A little roadside village with a bar, a strip club and an XXX store--is it "a XXX" or "an XXX"? While we didn't stop there, I bet it's fantastic. I couldn't see, but I bet there was also some sort of porno themed Six Flags park nearby. Signs In America...
“Do not drive into smoke” This is a sign you will see if you drive through Oklahoma. Why would they post this sign along their highways? I have developed several theories. Theory #1 People in that region refer to “fog” as “smoke”. Seems reasonable enough. Driving into thick fog could be dangerous. Theory #2 Oklahoma is made up of many Indian reservations. Indians, according to ancient lore, communicate via a medium known as “smoke signals”. If you were to drive through these signals you might jumble them up, causing the Indains to think people are sending them gibberish messages. That's just plain rude. Theory #3 Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. And you wouldn’t drive into fire, would you? Then, we looked on the internet (which knows everything). This is the explanation we found: These signs stem from a huge pileup that occurred when a farmer burned his fields, causing masses of smoke to linger upon the highway, and ultimately cause over 40 cars to careen into one another. Other signs: “Warning: Regional ice may be present” Hmmm, is that a special ice? Ice with an accent? I guess in Arizona it is. Who knew it got that cold in Arizona. I hate the cold. “Gusty winds may exist” Yes, and so might space aliens. A lot of things may exist. That just sounds funny to me. What's wrong with "Danger, Stong Winds"? |
